In Japan, there is a myth called "Sansai ji Shinwa" or the "Myth of the First Three Years", this is an old myth that says, "mothers should raise their children at home until the age of three." This saying is highly influenced by the British psychologist John Bowlby and his attachment theory.

John Bowlby dedicated the majority of his research to studying the importance of the bond between mother and child in infancy. He studied the orphans after World War II and the effect of the separation it had on them. Bowlby believed that infants and children who were securely attached to reliable caregivers would grow up to be securely attached adults. And this is very important because a securely attached adult is one that can effectively function in society, regulate their emotions, and maintain healthy and long-lasting relationships with others. Therefore, the presence of responsive, reliable, attachment figures in infancy is crucial for achieving lifelong, good mental health!

During the 1960's, Bowlbly's research was gaining popularity and spreading across the globe, and the parenting style in Japan seemed to compliment his findings. At the time, Japanese fathers worked mainly outside of the home, while the mothers were responsible for the housework and childcare, and have therefore become the "reliable attached care-giver" in Bowbly's theory. However, in Japanese child-care books, care-giver has become known to be simply "mother".

So, why three years?

Well, the three year stipulation relates to a psycho-dynamic concept called Emotional Permanence. This is the concept of us understanding that emotions continue to exist even when we aren't seeing proof of them. A healthy child will remain calm even while away from their care-givers because the child has developed trust with the care-giver and knows that they will return and also that the caregiver still loves them.

According to Bowlby's attachment theory, one gains basic trust by the age of three. By forming a strong bond with parents, grandparents, childcare workers, and other people with whom the child has an attachment with, they will be able to properly express their own thoughts and actions. Children grow up and become independent because they have a sense of trust in the adults around them and that is paramount in minimizing anxiety.

And this is the basis of "sansai ji shinwa". 

Despite the debunking of this myth, as shown in a large scale, long term 1990's study in the United States that included over 1000 families, the "three year" attitude still persists in Japan. The study's findings concluded that the quality of attachment between mother and child was not affected by when the child started childcare, for the amount of time they are in childcare, or the quality of the daycare center. It is not the quantity of time that matters, but the quality of time when the care-giver and child are together. Child development cannot be discussed simply by whether the mother works or decides to concentrate solely on childcare. 

Nevertheless, when I was pregnant and asked whether I would quit my job or not, everyone was surprised and gasped in shock when I said I'd be returning, and returning before one year. Some even had disapproving looks. I felt so guilty going back to work and contemplated becoming a stay-at-home mom many times. However, my daughter loves her nursery school, and her class teacher. I felt like it was good to split the childcare between home and nursery school because she is learning so much and developing well!

It is unhelpful to think that "Because I am a stay-at-home mom/dad, my child is healthy." or "I work, so I'm hurting my child and must spend more time together.".  There are various effects on your child's development, such as the relationship between the parents, the family dynamic, and how the child spends time in nursery schools. Living environments vary from home to home, and there is more than one way for the whole family, including children, to spend their time healthily.

Remember, it's not quantity but quality! Make every second count with your loved ones (but there is no need to overdo it).