Being in love abroad, a wife abroad, and eventually a mother abroad were not labels I'd ever thought would apply to me when I decided to drop everything and move to Yokohama, Japan in 2018. I was a graduate student at the time, and had decided to take a year off from my extremely fulfilling job as a director for one of the largest national organizations in the world to chase my childhood dream of living in Japan.

My goal was to work in the community for a year, intermittently travel the island, eat a lot of delicious food, and eventually go back home and press play right where I left off. I achieved all of that, and obviously more. Well, except from the whole "right where I left off" part.

So, here I am, nearly three years later having said "I Do" thousands of miles away from home to holding my little bundle of joy, and while I realize that it is pretty amazing being able to raise a child in a culture not of my own, it does comes with just as much challenges and obstacles. 

From lack of a familial support to committing cultural faux pas every step of the way, I want to share with you all the top challenges I faced being a new mother in the land of the rising sun.

Lack of Familial Support

Barring my daughter being born during a pandemic, having a child abroad increases the possibility of  new mother's not having easy access to their support system. We are coming up on a year and my family has not met my daughter in person yet. This is mostly due to the pandemic, but even without it, flights from Japan to American and vice versa are financially and physically taxing. We could only make the trip once or twice a year. Fortunately we have video chat and more, but nothing replaces being in each other's physical presence, especially when facing the unknown! Nothing can replace your own mother's embrace or a familiar face that knows you before motherhood and living abroad. This was one of the major challenges I had to overcome as a new mother. 

Culture and Language Barrier

The Japanese language is deeply interwoven in their elaborate culture, which makes overcoming both a high hurdle for foreigners deciding to start a family in Japan. It's not enough to know how to say your hobbies or what food you like because as a mother, you are expected to be able to communicate with government officials, medical professionals, and education specialist. What about becoming an active member of the community, and communicating with the parents of your children's best friends?  In America, I wouldn't think twice about marching down to the local city office or questioning my daughter's neurologist, but here in Japan, I almost become paralyzed from the anxiety of not knowing if I can accurately communicate my needs or advocate for my daughter in these settings. The language and culture barrier is one of the highest hurdles a mom abroad needs to overcome, but they are the most valuable hurdles to overcome.

Social Comparison and Isolation

Without having my family or friends, I turned to social media to connect and build a village. I joined many groups and communities, added friends on my social media platforms, and tried reaching out, but for some reason, the more I tried to connect, the lonelier and isolated I felt.  Over time, I realized that what I needed was a real connection with myself, my family, and my real life first. Watching other people's highlight reels and comparing your situation to others is harmful and a waste of time. So, over time, I stopped reaching out, left many communities and focused more on creating my own safe space I was happy with, even if it was only a party of one. Now I feel so much more open and available to make real, meaningful connections with people who are genuinely good for me and want to be in my life. So, despite all of the loneliness and isolation a new mom may feel, especially a new mom abroad, I encourage you to connect with yourself, understand your situation, accept it, then improve it, and in the end, the right people will follow.

Expat Life Insecurity

Most expats in Japan are not in it for the long haul, and I was one of them. However, now that I am married and with a child, the few years I have envisioned have now turned into a few decades. I find myself needing to think about visa's, residency, and the possibility of living outside of my culture for good. But, how do you live securely knowing you could be kicked out of the country at any time? How do you make a place your home that views you as only a guest. Furthermore, do I prepare my daughter for a life here or prepare her for the transition to another country. What if me and my partner divorce? Are the laws stacked against the foreign parent? Could I lose my child? Would I be forced to leave the country? These are all concerns that a new mom abroad should sit down and talk about and make a plan for.

Unfamiliarity with Social and Healthcare Systems

Not being native to the land has caused me to miss out on so many benefits and resources that those native to Japan are familiar with. I don't have the wisdom from prior generations to "hook me up" or "put me in touch with someone". I have to experiment with doctors and blindly trust service providers, whereas in the States I could ask my friends or family, and they would ask their friends and family, and I could inevitably get the "tea" or use my extensive network to get in contact with the people or services I am looking for. Here in Japan, I am navigating all of these systems for the first time. In the States, I'd just go to the doctor's office I grew up going to, but here I have to figure out for myself. Through social media, I am learning more about how to navigate them or lesser known resources for expats, but it still takes a lot of effort and weeding through. Aside from that, the healthcare system is very different than in the States. Through the hospital, I was introduced to acupressure and many other Eastern medical practices that I am unfamiliar with, so sometimes just going to the doctors is intimidating and frustrating.