Coming from the United States, I was in for a huge shock, on several levels, when coming to Japan. I remember walking into my apartment, with only a single futon in the center (provided by the company I worked for) and thinking, "Um, I am expected to sleep on this? No, way! The floor is dirty, and the futon is not comfortable enough.".

Well, unbeknownst to me, I came to love my futon, and I didn't buy a bed in Japan until I got married and went bed shopping with my husband two years later. We were exchanging stories, and I was surprised to find out that he had not slept in a western style bed until high school and he used to fall off the bed all of the time at first. 

My jaw dropped to the floor. "Okay, go on? I remember sleeping in my own bed for as long as I can remember. So, did you sleep on a futon until then?" He said, yes, and then went on to ask me if I knew the Japanese character for 'river'. I nodded and wrote it in the air with my finger.  He said, the three lines are often used to explain the dominant sleeping style in Japan. The family sleeps on a futon, Mother on one side, child in the middle, and father on the other. 

I was shocked, but said something noncommittal, like "That's interesting.", and that was the end of the conversation, and my beloved futon would be put into the closet, and I never looked back. It wasn't until my husband and I were crib shopping that the topic was brought up again.

Since we are limited in space, I wanted to buy a crib that could be converted in a toddler bed. My husband was confused, as he thought we could just transition her to a futon, and that we'd be sharing a room. "Um, what? Why would she sleep on the floor, and why would we share a room?" I asked, and we both got offended, and I realized in that moment my inherent bias against futons, sleeping on the floor, and co-sleeping.

In the US, there is a huge stigma against co-sleeping, at least in the same bed. From co-sleeping doesn't promote independence to the worst imaginable outcome, SIDS, it seemed like a no-brainer that a bassinet or crib is best. I even had a co-worker whose baby died of SIDS, and I was terrified of it happening to my daughter. While I agree that uninformed co-sleeping is dangerous, but with the proper research and tools, you can co-sleep successfully.

But I just couldn't live with the guilt, especially as an overwhelmed, sleep-deprived, and lost, new mom. What if my daughter died? It'd be my fault, and I would be sacrificing her life for my selfish reasons. Yes, I was so delirious to think needing sleep and making it easier for me to take care of her (I was breastfeeding at the time), was self-ish.

So, I worked tirelessly, almost obsessively to get her to sleep independently. But, guess what? We ended up co-sleeping anyway for about four months because it was the only way she would get enough developmentally appropriate sleep in a 24 hour period. Even though I never so much as touched her, not alone rolled over on her, I still felt ashamed. Kind of like, I failed to provide the safest environment for her.

So, I eventually weaned her off of co-sleeping, and after that she self-weaned on breastfeeding at night, and eventually slept in her crib. And she has been sleeping there ever since, nearly 6 months now. Well until this week.

This week has been tumultuous for us. She is sick with her third illness (back to back I may add), is teething, and going through a developmental period, so I have decided to start co-sleeping again to make it easier to respond to her and comfort her, as she started waking a few times near the start of the night.

So, what I've done is I've brought out my good ol' futon and laid it down in the living room. I then laid down her crib mattress beside mine and boom, I told my husband we are having a sleep over! She has her own cover, and I have mine, and she doesn't sleep with a pillow.

And guess what? She sleeps like a rock. While in her crib, she tosses, turns, screams out in her sleep, but beside me on her mattress she sleeps like the dead! 

She loves it, and admittedly, I love it too. I've been kind of depressed lately, so it's nice to be able to wake up and see her cute, little face beside me. It's comforting. Also, I enjoy replacing her cover, or re-positioning her (at first she would go off her mattress). 

Initially, I was afraid of undoing all of the hard work my husband I put in to get her to sleep independently but guess what? She crawled over to her mattress and laid down by herself. This was amazing to me! Now I understand how a Montessori bed works! 

Anyhow, I am better informed on co-sleeping, and I love the emotional comfort and bond the both of us benefit from doing it. 

So, my advice is to do your research, and even when you think you've learned enough, do some more. Also, try to find articles about co-sleeping in other cultures (predominantly eastern cultures) by using the Google translate button. Once you have aligned your new knowledge with your values and baby's needs, then make a decision that you can be happy and live with!