When I told my co-workers, boss, and other Japanese people that I would be returning to work two months postpartum, they all gasped in horror. Even after I told them that this was the norm in my country, the USA, they still looked at each other in disbelief. 

Well, I didn't end up going back to work two months post-partum, but I did go back to work way before most Japanese women do. Here in Japan, you are entitled to one year childcare leave after your maternity leave ends. Most Japanese women either quite their job and dedicate themselves to being a full-time, stay at home mom, or they at the very least take the full one year off before returning to the work field.  

Well, due to several situations in my life, I decided it was best to stick with my guns and go back when my daughter was five months old, and I had even worked one day a week part time starting at three months old. I'll get into those reasons later, but right now, most people are like, "OMG, how do you manage!!!!???"

To be honest, just a few weeks ago, I wasn't. I was ready to throw in the towel and go part-time, or even quite my job all together, but I did some soul searching as part of my journey back to me, and I was able to finally find a way to strike a better balance between work and home life.

If you're interested in what five factors contribute to helping me work full-time with an infant while still keep my sanity, please keep reading! 

SUPPORTIVE PARTNER

I could not work full-time if my husband was not 100% on board. If your partner does not have respect for your job, it will make being a full-time working mom ten times harder. When I decided to go back to work, my husband dropped everything and took two months paternity leave and was a 100% stay at home dad in the two months we were waiting for our daughter to enter daycare. Even after my daughter got into nursery school, he still continues to be the main parent to pick her up early or take off of work when she gets sick. In doing so, I am able to dedicate myself to my work, be a more reliable worker, and not feel a lot of stress or pressure when it comes to how unpredictable infants are regarding health. My husband also cooks dinner and is understanding when it comes to the rare times I need to come home late from work. Having that support and respect is utmost in being able to confidently work full-time outside of the home with an infant.

SUPPORTIVE JOB/VILLAGE

My boss deserves boss of the year. Seriously. I work for a large Japanese company that is pretty strict on taking time off, even using your own paid leave, but she has never once batted an eye at me needing to suddenly take off or come in late. I think it helps that she is a mother herself, and approximately a quarter of my co-workers are also mothers, so they are super understanding that things "pop up" and always encourage me to leave early, take a day off, etc. Having a supportive workplace is number two to being a successful full-time working mom. In addition to that, my job is not stressful! I am not encouraged to work overtime and there is no assumption that I will take work home. I am actually encouraged to use my paid leave, and leave on time! When I first came back to work, things changed a lot and my responsibilities nearly tripled, so after two months I sat down with my boss and coworkers, and we figured something out that was more sustainable for me. If my job was hostile towards mothers, inflexible, and or the work itself was stressful and difficult, I most definitely could not continue working there as a new mother. 

HEALTHY BOUNDARIES AND GOALS

This aspect I am still working on, but I definitely had to get better at protecting my spirit, my home, and my wants. As I mentioned before, my responsibilities nearly tripled after I came back from maternity leave, and to be honest, I felt guilty (I will get more into that later) so I tried to be superwoman, but the opposite happened and I was failing at work and at home due to the stress it caused. So, I did everyone a favor and started being unavailable for things, saying "I can't", and actually valuing my wants and goals. It's still very hard, but it gets easier when you see how much healthier and more productive and effective you are when you limit who has access to you and when you focus your energy. So, I set clear boundaries with my workplace, such as no-overtime, and I also set boundaries at home with my husband about what to do when she gets sick, etc. I put a plan in place where I can respect myself, my family, and my job.

HEALTHY BABY

My sweet daughter. None of this would be remotely possible if my darling baby girl wasn't the happy, healthy girl she is today. Things were really rough with her in the beginning because of the NICU, Colic, etc. However, she is leaps and bounds ahead of her rocky beginnings. Without her sleeping through the night, thriving at daycare, and working super hard to get healthy after every sickness, I could not have the confidence to go back to work. When I first went back to work, she would not take a bottle, she wouldn't nap at times, and generally gave herself and my husband a hard time transitioning. I almost decided not to go back to work. In the first month, I'd be at work worried to death. I'd video-call her on my break, my husband used to keep my photo out to help her calm down, and I'd come home heartbroken when my husband said she wouldn't eat. She would also wake up like 5-7 times a night sometimes!! There was no way I would continue working if she continued on like that. No job is worth my or my daughter's suffering. But, just when me and my husband were discussing what to do, she did an 180! Literally, she started sleeping through the night randomly on her 6 month b'day, we found a nipple she liked and she was drinking from a bottle like a champ, and my baby girl is a pro at playing by herself and loves her daycare teacher. All of that gave me the confidence to let her grow without me being by her side 24/7, and I think it made our bond stronger and healthier.

LIMITING SOCIAL MEDIA AND OTHER STRESS

Commuting to work, on my break, laying in bed. Nearly all of my down-time is spent on social media, and it's not healthy. Whenever I feel down, I find myself comparing my situation to other people, especially other moms and their motherhood experience. It's not healthy at all. We are all moving at our pace, and being a stay-at-home mom may be great for others, working part-time is perfect for some, and there is no shame in either. I felt sometimes maybe I was making the wrong decision to work, or put my daughter in daycare, but I only felt insecure due to social media and looking at other people's highlight reels. I had to start limiting the toxicity that is so easily spread over social media, and I am still pruning and creating my safe online space. In addition to that, I limited other stresses, like toxic friends, negativity, and eating unhealthy. All of these just make other things in our life tough and necessarily harder. Prune and trim your life. Cut out the guilty pleasures and vices and replace them with healthy habits and thoughts. This is crucial to feeling confident in your life and your decisions. 

So, those are my five keys to being a successful full-time working mom with an infant! Build a supportive, healthy environment and everyone, including yourself, will thrive. There will be days where you think you've made the wrong decision or that you cannot go on, but stop, think about your goals and take control of your situation before you throw in the towel. Know yourself, know your limits, and always strive for balance.