When I found out I was pregnant, I did what most modern people do, which is to scour the internet for advice, tips, tricks, and all the "what they never tell you" articles. In my endeavor, I came across a lot of the same advice, such as "Sleep when the baby sleeps.", and "You'll lose all of your baby weight before you leave the hospital", and my favorite, "Enjoy it while it lasts". While some advice, simple as it may have sounded, did turn out to be true. However, there were a lot of platitudes that just didn't work for me! So, below you'll find the top five pieces of advice and comments that I ultimately ended up ignoring!

Sleep When the Baby Sleeps

This was the number one piece of advice that I received. So, I tried it, and it turned out terrible for me! Why? Well, my daughter had reflux. She never slept, was always uncomfortable, and screamed. for. hours. She would only sleep for 10-15 minutes in my arms and then was up for who knows how long until the next cat nap. As soon as I closed my eyes, she was up! So, all I could do was sleep while my husband watched her. 

When she got a little older, I tried again. I'd fall asleep during her naps, and then, because I was so sleep deprived, the little 30min-1hr nap actually made me worst. I was groggy, irritable, and it was so hard to wake up. Finally, those naps also started to disrupt my night time sleep. If I slept during her final nap 4-5. I couldn't fall asleep until 2-3AM, and baby girl still woke up throughout the night so, as soon as I'd close my eyes at 3AM, she'd be up for her nightly feed.

In the end, I ended up having my husband watch her while I got quality shut eye or I soldiered through until bedtime. 

Don't Buy too Many Newborn Clothes

Although my daughter was born nearly two weeks late, she was 6 lbs. at birth. She ended up wearing newborn size diapers and clothes for four months! She is just now growing out of her 3-6 mo. size tops, and she is now 9 months. Yesterday, my husband and I were finally deciding whether to bump her up to size Medium diapers. So, while I do believe some babies grow fast, we were sorely underprepared because we jumped and bought tons of 0-3 month clothes at first!

You are Spoiling Her

I've heard this saying so much, especially about picking babies up. It is my personal belief that a child is crying out of a genuine need, such as pain, discomfort, feeling unsafe, or just wanting a hug (We all need a hug sometimes). A baby's world is so new and scary. You don't know what images their little brain has just conjured up. So, I never deny my child a quick pick up and hug. I always put her back down when she gets over the upset, and at 9 months, she's more independent than ever! Actually, she squirms out of my embrace, and nearly nose-dives out of my arms when I pick her up.

If she does start whining and crying, I do not throw down what I am doing and rush over to her unless she got hurt. What I do is, I safely put down what I am doing, calmly walk over to her, and am then present with her in that moment.  This was really hard to do at first due to societal pressure, guilt, and my daughter's cries actually feeling like daggers in my heart, but both of us has learned self-restraint, self-reliance, and healthy boundaries because of this approach.

Breast is Best

There seems to be several trends going around, such as home births, baby-led weaning, breastfeeding, elimination communication, or at the very least, cloth diapering, and baby wearing. All of these are alternative ways to navigating motherhood and raising a child, and I think they are all great and work wonders for the right families. However, I do not like the judgement and bias toward people of both sides.

I started out breastfeeding because it is nearly "common sense" here in Japan. Everyone just assumes you will breastfeed, and that puts a lot of pressure on mothers who cannot. For example, some women cannot produce enough milk, or the baby cannot latch correctly, or they are allergic to certain proteins in breast milk. Does that mean the mom should starve or put their baby in discomfort for societal approval? 

I believe "fed is best". A happy, comfortable, and healthy mom and baby are what is best. I just hate the idea that vaginal births are better than C-sections, breast is better than formula, etc., etc.

Happy and healthy is the way to go!

You'll Never be Lonely Again

Ironically, I had never felt more lonely than after having my baby girl. Everyone's motherhood journey is slightly different and unique, and it seemed like overnight, no one could understand me or what I was going through. I didn't feel bonded with my daughter and my husband felt like a stranger. I felt isolated, trapped, and hopeless. It has taken nearly 9 months for me to build my village again. It has taken 9 hard months of reevaluating my life, my goals, and my purposes so that I can start to reconnect again. It took 9 months to properly bond with my daughter, and we are still working on it!

While I love my daughter, she was not born to keep me company or fill a void. She is her own person, and I have to be my own best friend and build my own village instead of putting the burden on her.

So, that was five pieces of advice that just didn't work for me! Were there any cliche's that worked out for you? Or any that were actually harmful? Leave a comment below, as I'd love to discuss!