I've experience two major life events this year: marriage and having a baby. These two events opened my eyes to a side of Japanese culture and life I've never experienced before. One such aspect being "go-shugi/ご祝儀" culture, or "gift money" culture.

Prior to coming to Japan, I've known that Japan has a very prominent gift-giving culture. I'm sure that my fellow residents of Japan, or even visitors of Japan, have seen the elaborate souvenirs and gifts that can be bought for others. You have probably even been given an "omiyage" or souvenir yourself! 

I love this aspect of the culture. For example, I thought it was so cute that my husband makes origami cranes to give to his host families or Air BnB host when he travels. I, myself, have been given tons of yummy souvenirs from my co-worker's travels that has allowed me to taste treats from around the world.

Despite the positives, however, gift-giving can also be a double edged sword. For example, many people withhold information about going on a trip because if they divulge that information to their workplace or family, it is expected that they bring back a small souvenir for everyone. Yes, I do mean everyone because it'll be even more offensive if it is found out you only bought gifts for certain co-workers. This can be quite expensive! Also, in certain cases, gift-giving can feel like a burden. When my husband's "kouhai" or "junior" sent us a congratulatory gift for the baby, his first thought, even before opening it, was "Ah, now I have to give him something.". 

I'm still new to the culture, so I don't know every aspect of it, but, like everything else in Japanese culture, there are a lot of etiquette, rules, traditions, and manners, even in gift-giving. For example, gift givers need to be concerned with the price (not too cheap or expensive), the duration between receiving and returning　(don't wait to long or give a gift when the other party is in mourning (like during Obon). There is even guidelines as to how to best word your message (don't make it obvious you're returning a gift, as it might come off as just an obligation). Therefore, despite your good intentions, your gift might cause stress or upset the recipient.

So, today, I want to talk more specifically about 'go-shugi', which is money given as a gift for a celebration, mainly marriage. I was surprised when I received 'go-shugi' from my workplace due getting married and once more due to having a baby.  Go-shugi come in a very distinct envelope called a shugi bukuro. The decorations on these envelope correspond with the occasion, such as celebratory or mourning. The colors and even the way the envelop is folded is specific! Furthermore, there are even stipulations on how much should be given (your relationship to the recipient) and the number amount (lucky and unlucky numbers) and how to place the money. 

I think this is a really cool aspect of the culture (receiving money is always fun), and it's actually cool that gifts like this are often built into the company budget or fund.

So, you've received go-shugi or a celebratory gift from someone. Now what? Well, the Japanese have what is called "okaeshi" or "return gift" culture. So, with the money you've received, you should use roughly 30-50% of it on a return gift as a thank you. If you received an item, then you should find the value of it and do the same.

Both times, I bought "okaeshi" gifts for my workplace. At first, I was at a lost as what to give, but I was delighted to find that there are tons of websites and catalogs dedicated to "okaeshi" gifts! I used the site Milpoche to buy my "okaeshi" and this tradition of birth celebratory gift is called Shussan uchi iwai/出産内祝い.

Not only do they have gifts in all price ranges, but I was even able make a custom "go-aistsu" or "birth announcement" card to send along with them! It was super easy and convenient because you can send the items directly to the recipients.

How to give "Okaeshi" if you've just given birth

WHEN

Within one month after giving birth or up to two months at the latest. Also, be careful not to return it so fast, as it can cause stress to the gift-giver.

HOW

If it is to someone that you see regularly, such as co-workers or neighbors, then you should give the gift directly. If it is to someone far away, through mail is acceptable. If you are giving the gift directly, it is customary to take the gift out of the bag, turn the bag toward yourself, rest the gift on top of the handles and give it to the person. Never give a gift naked/as is.

PERSONALIZATION

it's possible to give a gift with your child's name, which is great for grandparents or relatives, but probably will be awkward and burdensome for colleagues and bosses, so in that case "disappearing items" are best, such as food items.

ITEMS TO AVOID

Japanese tea - tea is usually given for condolences, but nowadays some teas in beautiful canisters with sweets are okay.

Handkerchief - It symbolizes farewell and is often used for condolences (especially white), but it's becoming more common to give handkerchiefs these days.

Cutlery - It is reminiscent of "cutting/dividing". However, some cutlery is being featured in gift catalogs to mean "open the future", so consider the hobby and likes of the recipient.

Things that are too expensive or too cheap - it can make your impression worst.

Recommended items to give as return gift

Sweets, Rice, Towels

THANK YOU NOTE

You shouldn't include the word "return", as that gives off a sense of obligation. Just start off by saying "thank you", include the child's name (how to read it if it's in Kanji), birth date, and you and your child's condition (healthy, etc.)

There's a lot more to "okaeshi" than above, but that's a good start! I hope you enjoyed reading about this unique aspect of Japanese culture!